Obscenity

I am about to address one of my most significant pet peeves.

If you have ever chastised someone for swearing, and then said "frickin' A" you are a hypocrite and worthy of every last vitriolic drop of my ire. I know that I live in Utah and it's the sort of thing that happens so often that it's an intergal part of the culture. It's one of those funny stereotypes that even those being stereotyped find amusing. And by the various patchwork gods I hold dear, it pisses me right the hell off. The reason is simple.

Words.
Are.
Words.

They do not change from "cursed" words to "holy" words. If, as many of the people who use the fake swears claim, they served no purposed in the language they wouldn't exist anymore. Language is a living thing. It's a technology that changes and adapts to different times and cultural needs. If we didn't need it the oh so beloved and despised "fuck" word wouldn't be at the very least five hundred years old.

But what purpose does it serve aside from a means of offending people? I'm glad you asked hypothetical Straw Man I have created for the sake of this self debate. And I really hope that you find your brain someday.

What obscenities do, is they accentuate and amplify other words. They create a clear vocal punctuation mark. "Yeah" vs "Fuck Yeah".

They can also modify expressions in a surprising subtle way. "The dog is in the kitchen again." vs "The goddamn dog is in the kitchen again." By adding that single word the emotional vibrations of the words become very different and very clear.

Now, in my defense of potty talk, please do not assume that I'm saying I should be able to say whatever I want to whoever I want without consequences. As much as I come off as chaotic and glorify barbarism I have never once told my grandmother to fuck off, called anyone a cunt in church, or unleashed a tirade of racial slurs at one of my teachers. I don't believe that words are innately good or bad, however you have to remember the most important rule of theater, and by extension the most important rule of life.

Know your audience.

My stubborn contempt for the Victorians and Edwardians will never make me say that curse words are only for the lowborn or that there are always better ways to put something. I completely disagree. Sometimes a fucknugget is a fucknugget and it's the best choice. I will concede that there are always DIFFERENT ways to put something. Ones that may or may not hold the weight that you expect to get. And that will entirely change depending on who your talking to.

If I tell one of my friends to fuck off it can mean any of a dozen things because it's a part of out mutual language amongst each other. If I say the same thing to my Grandmother? It pretty much has only one terrible meaning. I'm going to talk differently with a group of Victorian ladies over tea then I am with a bunch of bikers over a beer. Your audience changes everything.

If you are robbing yourself of the beautiful mess that is our language just because those words are "lowbrow" then you're robbing yourself of so many wonderful and sometimes horrible experiences.

And you, Hypothetical Straw Man you have acknowledged the importance of swearing by your substitutions in the language. Like vegetarians who create so many different kinds of fake meats to replace it. They are acknowledging the importance by replacing the hole it creates. Not only are swearing, but you're doing it with kiddish gibberish words to make yourself feel better.

So, Straw Man don't you dare have the audacity to think that you can control what I say. Words are my life. They are my truest love, my dearest children, and my dark and terrible Mistress. Never for a fucking second think that you can tell me which words are good, bad, or proper. They are my trade. They are the blood that pumps through me. I will use them however I want.

However I'll offer you a trade. You don't curse, and I won't curse. I figure it's a fair trade. Cause I promise you. I find your "freaking A" so much more offensive then you find my "fucking ass".