Civility

As my mother has attested on so very many occasions, she really tried to turn her children into gentlemen. And on a purely knowledge basis, she was a resounding success. Though I can't match them always with their music, I know over a half-dozen classical composers. I know the proper etiquette  for the theatre, the movies, a fancy dinner, and dances. I know the different purposes for most if not all common pieces of glassware. If presented with all the required items I can set a fancy table (except the napkins can't fold for shit). I know how to have small talk and it's importance in many social situations. I know that there is a language of flowers though I don't know what it is exactly. I know how to wear a three piece suit. I understand the difference between dress causal, fancy dress, formal, and black tie. I know how to tie a tie, and I know how to polish dress shoes.

I am was given a pretty comprehensive training in the affairs of the Modern Gentlemen. So how exactly was it that I turned out, well, so very not?

It's a pretty simple idea. I know all the rules of the game. I just have no interest in playing it. That's really why I continually reinforce the idea that I am in fact not "Nice".  I don't do things to be nice. I do things to help out those that are important to me, or those that I lose nothing by helping. And generally I want to be helpful.

Most of this confusion stems from differing definitions of the word. What I just described up there is what many people use in their defense of my "niceness". I think a better way to put it, is that I am not "polite". Though I'm tactful enough to not to start talking about the constitutionality of cross burning in obscene genital based morris code, that doesn't mean that I'm willing to play the polite game.

And that's what it is. It's all a game. The subtle and terrible game of civilization. This act is the proper act. It is the polite thing to do. We must spare the feelings of others. We must appear personable and inoffensive.

There are many people I have known in my life. Personable, inoffensive, and sparing of feelings are not adjectives that will be commonly connected to my personage. I don't feel that it's important. Now I don't devote myself to causing undo pain or aggravation, but I'm not going to waist my time tip toeing on eggshells to prevent bruising your feel bads.

This means I'm called an asshole pretty often. I've felt like a bull in a china shop a lot in my life. Both literally and figuratively in delicate social situations.

I've even started to just try and warn people, particularly those deranged few who sought romantic entanglement with me, that I'm incapable of delicacy. The best I can usually offer is to keep my mouth shut and escape into uncomfortable silence.

I would infinitely rather speak my mind, and have a nice passionate discussion about things instead of trying to not offend or bruise egos. My ego's been bruised and broken plenty. But it's been made all the stronger for the testing. And at the end of day that's what I find important. Being broken doesn't necessarily make it stronger, but it gives it the opportunity to become strong.

And that's why I choose to be a barbarian instead of accepting my training as a gentleman.