Passivity

I spend a great deal of time watching people. And more than just watching and judging I devote a lot of time to trying to understand. Understanding is the thing I value the most in myself. I say this because I on occasion realize that some trait of humanity infuriates me to the point of grumbling psychosis.

Now before I begin I will say that I consider my actions carefully. I plan things out in exhausting detail. Which given that fact the subject of this post may seem odd. Because I personally find "Passive" to be one of the most unforgivable character traits a person can have. There are few faster ways for me to think ill of you. Now this wasn't always the case and honestly it's really only come to the surface recently. And I'll be the first to say that there I have been times when I was as guilty of this sin as anyone.

Did you catch that? I called it a sin. Because that's what it is. For those of you who ascribe to such thing, it's even one of the big ones.

Sloth.

It's sloth. Not one of the "oh you touched yourself say some Hail Marys sins" but the proper will stab you in a back alley monoliths of ill behavior they craft circles of Hell in service of. It's one of the two sins that so completely plague the righteous. The one that you embrace so completely in your attempts to avoid the others. There are oh so many sayings about the dangers of being passive. "All it takes for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing." When faced with adversity, when placed before what you want you don't stand idly by and "hope for the best". Or worse expect your knight in shining armor to rush forth and save you from the harsh world.

Come here my friend. Sit next to me for this bit. Because it's an ugly ugly truth I need to tell you.

There are no shining knights, and those that pretend to be... aren't doing you any favors. Because they're robbing you of the chance to help yourself. Now, I'm not saying that there's shame in asking for help when you need it. Because there is none. And there is a lot of suffering in the world that pours from the grim temple of absolute self-reliance. Accepting help can take more courage than facing the problem alone. But the problem with the passive, is that they expect the help. And many times, they even demand it.

And this expectation leads us into the other sin that conquers the pious. This expectation becomes a breeding ground for entitlement. Because you have lived your life assuming you deserve it, you demand it from the world. And so it is that Sloth opens the doors to Pride.

Now if you sit there without ever looking into your own worth. In your passivity you assume it. I'm as guilty of this as anyone. It's easy to look from the inside and say "hey I'm awesome, everybody should jump to help me out. I deserve your love because I want it." But that's not how this world works. It's a thousand times better to try and fail than to never have attempted.

Now, everyone who's reading this likely has a system of beliefs where a sacrifice was made. Prometheus tied to the stone with his liver being torn out day after day. Jesus nailed to the cross for the sins of the masses. The heart of the star where your innumerable particles were forged in ages before time as we knew it. These are the costs of your life, your salvation, and knowledge. When you passively wait instead of grasping the reins of your own life, you dishonor the memory of those sacrifices.

Maybe it doesn't bother you. And maybe there's no shame in it.

But for me? I want to live with a fire in my belly and the wind in my lungs. I want to tear into the mountains and strive for the stars. I want to guide the broken and create new ways for people to see the world. I want to LIVE.

And I can't do that and stay passive.