Darkness

When I was little I was terrified of the dark. I slept with the door cracked and a hallway light on until I was almost in junior high. I could feel things in the dark. Though in retrospect I could feel them in the light as well. But regardless the point is that I was afraid of the dark.

This (like so many things from childhood) is no longer the case. Between a series of energy and mediative techniques I was taught and taught myself, and the understanding that came with growing up. Physical darkness doesn't frighten me at all anymore. The simple absence of light is just that. Light's absence.

In fact there came a time when (and it still comes and goes) I felt more comfortable in the dark then in the light. I have pretty good night vision and tend to memorize where things are in space well enough that many times I can make entire journeys across the house in the most minimal of illumination.

So I have a different relationship with Darkness than many others.

A few years ago I went to a weekend long workshop with a Peruvian shaman. It was a fascinating and deeply moving experience. Perhaps someday I'll go into what it was like. Today though, I'll talk about something that happened there. When the spirits gave me a Name.

Now, the existence or non-existence of the Spirit world is not something I'm going to talk about here. For the sake of this argument, the ether spoke to me. And they gave me a new name. "The Walker In Shadow". Shortly after I was given the name I mentioned it to a dear friend of mine at the time. She said it sounded like the name of a lame goth band.

Glad to know the invisible has the same taste as teens with black nail polish.

But after that experience I took a great deal of time pondering the meaning of that name. What it meant about me. Now I generally believe that Shadow and Darkness are different concepts. Shadow is the barrier between Light and Dark. It is as much defined by Illumination as it is by its lack.

To walk in the Shadows is to look into the face of fear. To turn its powers to the service of harmony. To recognize the worth in the dark places. To irk out the secrets of the shade. That is what I do. That is where I believe. In the between places. Not quite the Dark. Not quite the Light.

I am the Walker In Shadow. Walking all the edge of the razor... so that others don't have to.

And I discovered something.

The Light shows up Truth.

But the Dark gives us Comfort.

You don't sleep under a spotlight. It'd drive you insane. Millions of years of the cycle of day and night has made it part of our ultimate existence. The night is full of dangers. Things that we can't see become so much more powerful as we give them the strength of our fear.

But away from the harsh light of day we can pretend. We can let our Dreams come and play their fragile games across the insides of our eyes. We can rest.

My Dark Lady,
My dearest Night,
Wrap me in soft embrace
And let me forget
My pain
My worry
All the weights of the world around
For the Sun comes soon
And burns away all small comforts
All tender lies
And drives me from your arms.